Grief- Intense sorrow over a loss. It comes from the Latin word “gravare”, which means to make heavy. “Gravare” comes from the Latin word “gravis”, which means weighty. Words associated with grief include- anguish, pain, distress, agony, misery, sadness.
Good grief- is a euphemism for good god- an exclamation of dismay so really there is no “good” grief- only the deep power of grief.
Today I pondered loss, pain, and recovery. According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, grief is a 5-stage process- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Others have added shock and guilt. I’ve been experiencing this a lot lately. The deep broken open chasm of loss- loss of youth; loss of friends & friendships over the years; loss of parents and grandparents (for some, loss of children at any age); loss of pets; loss of a Democracy I thought I lived in my entire life; loss of animals to wildfire, hurricanes, floods, habitat loss, hunting, abuse, vehicles, and so on; loss of decency; loss of love; loss of respect; loss of empathy and compassion; and so much more. Not all of these are personal losses- many are the greater losses reflecting what’s happened in our lives and in our country and all around us. Beliefs and lives shattered into a mosaic of broken shards. All can be broken - all can be healed. Broken shards can be put back together into beauty and reflect the light in glorious ways.
Those who would do the breaking of others are also broken. They may find the path of healing however, that healing includes dying. What does that mean? All get to choose how they will heal through love and light. Those who choose not to heal (or can’t) and who have hurt others will die- emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically. The two narcissists in my life, who influenced it the most, never healed before they died, at 96 and 62- maybe that was their healing.
A friend lost her daughter on December 2nd in a car crash and my heart is heavy with grief. Her daughter was in her early 20s just starting out in an amazing life. She was light. She was unselfish, generous, and dynamic. Gone in the blink of an eye. They say no one dies before their time. But when these types of tragedies happen it’s hard to see the why or accept it. The numbness of shock fills the body. The disbelief, the soul pain of such a huge loss weighs one down. Several of us that know the mother fell into our own shock with heavy hearts. We cannot fathom the depth of her grief without the experience of it. We can hold space for her and her family and keep them in the light. Be still with my sorrow for her.
I still remember clearly the pain of losing someone I loved very much to suicide over 20 years
ago. I crumpled when I heard the news. Then denial, then that numbness. I reached out to mutual friends to sob in disbelief that this was happening. I felt the anguish, misery, agony, emptiness at the core of my being. Grief- broken open- darkness filling my body. A year after losing him, I was contemplating my life and very near suicide myself until a friend expressed my son’s concern for my state of mind. That shocked me back to reality and the light came back, penetrating my heart. Loss is also an opportunity to grow, to reflect, to expand, to understand life, compassion, empathy, and love. I am a much better person for the healing and the wisdom given by loss, but it didn’t happen overnight. And each loss still penetrates my soul and my heart.
I also feel and see grief on the broader stage of my country’s transition to a better life, a better place to live, a better present and future. We are all in the grief and we are all called to action in order to heal. Our country is dying to one way. It’s been cloaked in the darkness for too many years. Part of my grief is the reality that we were given hope that maybe someone truly cared about us and about our amazing planet and all the sentient beings that we share it with. It worked for a while then something happened to break this belief to its core. It’s also been broken open. Now there’s a chance for healing- healing that begins deep within and spreads light to all. So much loss, so much broken open, so much opportunity for healing. All leading to an opportunity to make our lives and the lives of others all over the world better.
I am healing and allowing light to enter the dark spaces and the broken open spaces. Then I can spread that light to others. I am not broken; I am broken open letting the healing light in. Strength and love floods in. Compassion and empathy fill every corner, every gap, every inch. Tears cleanse the body and soul leaving it fresh like an ocean wave washing over me. Healing is a constant.
Let’s live in these moments- not yesterday and not tomorrow. Speak up for others who need us all. Hold your loved ones close for they may be lost in the turning of a second. Tell them you love them- and mean it. Give them hugs- freely. Make amends- quickly. Never take for granted those you love will be there tomorrow. Don't let fear of that consume you, let love consume you.
"Standing in the forest of sorrow
Distraught Lost Weeping
The full moon leads me out
And into the secure arms of the trees
who hold me
Transforming my anguish to love
Sending me back to life
A stronger and wiser human-being."
Terri Hawke
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